Will WWII Be the Key Issue in the Upcoming GOP Debate?

Listening to some establishment critics of Ron Paul--on both the Left and the Right--you'd have to conclude his key problem, his major flaw, his demonstrated utter unsuitability for the Presidency, is his position on WWII. (See, for example,  this Weekly Standard piece on the right and this left-wing blog commentary)

Paul’s noted that had we not been attacked, he wouldn’t have sent Americans to fight in Europe, even to save German Jews. Paul’s reluctance to defend the Good War, where 48 million people were killed and the Soviet Union’s grip on Eastern Europe extended, is, to the establishment, clearly a verboten, so to speak, position. Since this is obviously a key issue in 2012. I imagine it will come up in a future GOP debate. Perhaps the transcript will read something like this...

Moderator: Thanks for joining us in this, what seems like, the 252nd 2012 GOP Presidential candidate debate, featuring Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul, Rick Santorum, and the decaying corpse of Rick Perry. This debate is sponsored by the History Channel. Welcome gentlemen.

Moderator: First question goes to Congressman Paul. Congressman, as you know, a question of vital and growing interest among the public in this 2012 race to the White House…Would you, if President, have intervened in WWII?

Dr. Paul: Well, after Pearl Harbor and after Germany declared war on us, I would have gone to Congress and asked for declarations of war, as FDR did. But I hope my pre-war policies would have lessened the likelihood of Japanese attack in December, 1941. 

Moderator: Thank you, sir. And now we move to…

Rick Santorum (interrupting): That’s ridiculous! We should have nuked them!

Moderator: Ahh...Senator Santorum, we DID “nuke them.”

Santorum: Hmmm...AND A GOOD THING, TOO! (Riotous applause among his supporters)

Moderator: We move now to the decaying corpse of Rick Perry. Gov. Perry, if you were President instead of Lincoln, would you have fought the Civil War?

Corpse of Perry: ………..

Moderator: Thank you sir for your most cogent answer yet. Now let’s throw the same question to Governor Romney. Sir, would you have fought the Civil War?

Romney: Ah...well, I don’t know that anyone is actually talking about that...we haven’t poll tested it...ah, OK, I’m going to say...ahem…”Yes. Yes I would have fought the Civil War.”

Moderator: Which side?

Romney: We’re allowing follow-ups? [turning to other candidates…"My people said the rules were no followup questions. Wasn’t that your understanding?" Getting no response, he returns to the moderator] OK. Which side, well of course the Southern vote is important...hmmm… Yes. I feel firmly I would have fought the Civil War…

Moderator. I’ll move on. Senator Santorum. Regarding the War of 1812…

Santorum: I’d fight it!! I’d send American troops!!! Nuke ‘em!!!!

Moderator: I haven’t finished the question yet, Senator.

Santorum: Oh, sorry…

Moderator: Where would you send troops? The war was fought on American soil.

Santorum: My point exactly! That was the big mistake. We should have taken the war to the enemy.

Moderator: You would have invaded England? In 1812? 

Santorum: We must support the troops!

Moderator: Speaker Gingrich…

Gingrich: I’m a professional historian, you know. 

Moderator: Yes, I know. 

Gingrich: I have a PhD in history. 

Moderator: War of the Roses. Proper US response?

Gingrich: The Wars of the Roses were a series of dynastic civil wars for the throne of England  fought between supporters of two rival branches of the royal House of Plantagenet: the houses of Lancaster  and York (whose heraldic symbols were the "red" and the "white" rose, respectively). They were fought in several sporadic episodes between 1455 and 1485, although there was related fighting both before and after this period. The final victory went to a relatively remote Lancastrian claimant, Henry Tudor, who defeated the last Yorkist king Richard III and married Edward IV's daughter Elizabeth of York  to unite the two houses. The House of Tudor subsequently ruled England and Wales for 117 years. Obviously, the US government should not have intervened, as it would not yet be created for another 300 years.

Moderator: That’s exactly right!

Gingrich: That will be 1.5 million dollars.

Moderator: Excuse me?

Gingrich: I told you...I’m a professional historian. That’s what I make for offering advice based on my understanding of history.

Moderator: Are you done?

Gingrich: No. I did want to add that, IF the US government HAD existed at that time, we should definitely have intervened.

Moderator: What?

Gingrich: Especially if Israel’s interests were at stake.

Moderator: WHAT?

Gingrich: They are the only true democracy in the Middle East. They are our staunchest allies. I can not suck up to... ahem ...support them strongly enough.

Moderator: OK…

Gingrich: I would also like to add that I am the true heir of Ronald Reagan.

Romney: NO! I am the true heir of Ronald Reagan!!

Santorum: NO!! I am the true heir of Ronald Reagan!!! Nuke Grenada!!

Moderator: Congressman Paul, did you want to add anything here?

Paul: Call me Ron...

The GOP Visits A Psychiatrist…

Fools are my theme, let satire be my song. 

Lord Byron 

A tired appearing older gentleman enters a psychiatrist’s office; he is white, well-dressed but strangely carries a few straws of chewing straw in his breast pocket; he holds a bible in one hand and a copy of Free to Choose in the other; he presents  with an uncomfortable affect and a patrician air...

Psychiatrist: Hello..GOP is it? Glad to meet you. Thanks for coming in to see me.

GOP: [Nervous tick, speaking hesitantly]: Yes, yes...glad to meet you as well. Are we done yet?

P: Not quite yet. I see you were referred by a Dr. Paul. It says here he’s a gynecologist?

GOP: He sees my wife. After her last visit, which I attended, he thought I should meet with you.

P: Do you know why that was?

GOP: I wanted her to stay home, barefoot and pregnant, and school the children and clean the house while supporting her desire to rise as far as she could in the business world...

P: What about the glass ceilings?

GOP: She should clean those too...

P: I see...Tell me, where do you live?

GOP: In a big tent.

P: Ah...OH! I see Dr. Paul was concerned about multiple personality disorder…

GOP: Yes, exactly. I don’t know what he’s talking about. Can you help me?

P: I’ll need a little more information, first. What do you see as the problem?

GOP: The budget. And the debt. The budget and debt! We need to take the budget seriously. The debt is growing out of control.

P: So you’re willing to look at cutting everything?

GOP: Well not the military, of course. That can't be cut! Defense is paramount!! 

P: So none of the troops in over 100 countries abroad can come home?

GOP: Not a one! Too risky. Wouldn't be prudent. Like Vice-President Cheney said after 9/11, we must act as if a 1% chance of a danger from abroad is equivalent to a 100% danger. We can’t afford any risk.

P: Isn’t that the Precautionary Principle the Left uses when discussing global warming. We can’t risk even a small chance of irreparably harming the planet…?

GOP: They’re completely different!

P: How so?

GOP: Well, in the case of global warming, the alleged science is discovered by scientists whose grant money is supplied by the taxpayers. They don’t get tax dollars to play with unless they claim the science shows global warming. Whereas, when it comes to discovery of foreign threats, taxpayers pay high-ranking military officials and State department officials who work to find foreign threats, aided by public spirited companies in the defense industry that help us in this never-ending fight.

P: American troops garrisoned in foreign lands...That’s also to protect us?

GOP: Sure. They want us there. It’s protective.

P: And if foreign troops were garrisoned in America?

GOP: Are you insane? We don’t want them here. That would be inflammatory.

P: You believe in a small, modest, Constitutionally limited government…

GOP: Just like Jefferson's!

P: ...capable of policing the world and fighting multiple foreign wars simultaneously?

GOP: Only much, much larger! [Facial grimace…] Can you help me?

P: What about domestic policy?

GOP: We want to keep the government out of your business. Regulatory growth has been explosive, and harmful. This must stop, and stop now!

P: So you’re willing to get the government off the backs of the marijuana entrepreneurs?

GOP: Absolutely NOT! It’s a gateway drug that causes much harm!

P: And your solution to the harm of using drugs?

GOP: We have to throw the users in prison.

P: Can’t you just leave the users alone?

GOP: Don’t be ridiculous. It’s not like they’re businessmen…

P: But how does favoring small government tie in with a drug war?

GOP: Well, when we put all the marijuana users in prison, we won’t need a big government to handle the remaining citizens. [Rapid eye movement…] Please, can you help me?!

P: So you’re for less government…

GOP: Yes!

P: ...that controls what people smoke and eat…

GOP: Well, not tobacco or trans-fats! That nanny-state stuff won’t fly with me!!

P: But you’ve used marijuana yourself, I understand…

GOP: Just during my youthful experimentations...Hey, you can’t hold that against a guy!

P: But now you want to…

GOP: Lock them up and throw away the key. Exactly!! Can you help me?

P: I understand you favor federalism.

GOP: Absolutely. It keeps the federal government in check and allows the states to be laboratories for liberty.

P: So if marijuana were legalized at the state level, for medical or other reasons…

GOP: I’d have the DEA dragnet large areas to round up people for federal prosecution.

P: And if judicial rulings went against you?

GOP: Damn activist judges! They need to rule based on the laws Congress passes, not on what they wish the law were. That’s what democracy is all about.

P: What’s your position on Obamacare?

GOP: Very destructive; hopefully it will be overturned by the courts. [Unconscious toe tapping…] Please dear God, can you help me?!

P: Just a few more questions. Tell me about spending under Obama.

GOP: Outrageous! Huge deficits. Massive bailouts and reckless stimulus spending. 

P: And the bailouts and stimulus spending under GW Bush?

GOP: What?

P: The massive spending--the most ever until Obama--under Bush 43?

GOP: Yes?

P: I’m asking your thoughts about it…

GOP: What about it?

P: Your thoughts on the massive spending and deficits…

GOP: This massive spending and deficit growth under Obama is killing the country!!

P: And under Bush?

GOP: I’m sorry, what is your question? MY GOD! HELP ME!!

P: I’m beginning to see your problem.

GOP: What problem?

P: Let me ask you, how do you feel about choice?

GOP: Choice! That's anathema. This abortion choice culture has deadened our society and created irreparable harm. I blame the liberals.

P: I was talking about school choice…

GOP: Choice! That's a saving grace. The culture of school choice has enlivened our society and created great benefits. Without it, generations of children are deprived of an education to favor special interests that hold the Democratic Party in thrall. I blame the liberals.

P: OK. I’ve got enough. I think I can help you.

GOP: Electroshock? 

P: We can’t turn the voltage up high enough, I’m afraid. But don’t despair. There are other methods…have you heard of leeches?

GOP: Congress is full of them.

P: That’s what you need. You won’t be able to accomplish your goals without them.

GOP: You mean I need…

P: Massive blood-letting. Yes.